Revelation 21:4English Standard Version

⁴ He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

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I remember before I divorced my husband Ra’keem we got into a bad argument around Christmas because he didn’t want me talking about my other child , and I corrected him and told him don’t ever disrespect my child . I thought it was ironic because he took care of his crack head ex-wife other two kids that didn’t belong to him but told me not to bring up my child . That’s crazy . Anyways , I remember I was looking at a picture of me and Ruth and I got sad because I didn’t want my baby in heaven to feel like I loved Ruth more than him . No , the problem was when I was younger I wasn’t good enough to be that child’s mother . I was the problem and not that child. I was an atheist and I had a lot of problems from my own childhood. It was me . So , sometimes I look at my daughter and I tell her that she should be grateful and stop being spoiled . Because I guess I resent myself for what I did . It’s … it’s the pain of never getting to hold him , not seeing his first steps , not seeing him say “mama or dada” … he probably would have walked just like his father , his father smiles when he walks and bounces a little I don’t know why that’s just how he is . It’s the moments that I experience like seeing Ruth happy when she is on the swing … I hate myself because I don’t get to see my other baby happy on the swing . I never get to see his beautiful hands … his curly hair … the beautiful smile . His gorgeous eyes . His glow … what did I do ?

Diamond

Date : 2/06/2024