Tag: India

No I Don’t Love My Daughter More Than My Other Baby

Revelation 21:4English Standard Version

4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

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I remember before I divorced my husband Ra’keem we got into a bad argument around Christmas because he didn’t want me talking about my other child , and I corrected him and told him don’t ever disrespect my child . I thought it was ironic because he took care of his crack head ex-wife other two kids that didn’t belong to him but told me not to bring up my child . That’s crazy . Anyways , I remember I was looking at a picture of me and Ruth and I got sad because I didn’t want my baby in heaven to feel like I loved Ruth more than him . No , the problem was when I was younger I wasn’t good enough to be that child’s mother . I was the problem and not that child. I was an atheist and I had a lot of problems from my own childhood. It was me . So , sometimes I look at my daughter and I tell her that she should be grateful and stop being spoiled . Because I guess I resent myself for what I did . It’s … it’s the pain of never getting to hold him , not seeing his first steps , not seeing him say “mama or dada” … he probably would have walked just like his father , his father smiles when he walks and bounces a little I don’t know why that’s just how he is . It’s the moments that I experience like seeing Ruth happy when she is on the swing … I hate myself because I don’t get to see my other baby happy on the swing . I never get to see his beautiful hands … his curly hair … the beautiful smile . His gorgeous eyes . His glow … what did I do ?

Diamond

Date : 2/06/2024

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Here I Am Grieving Again ..

So , as I told you all my story about my other baby in heaven . But today .. right now I’m thinking about him again. Honestly , sometimes I look at pictures of his father because like … I try to imagine what the baby would have looked like . I don’t think people understand how painful an abortion is . I made a huge mistake, I was told that I would be put in the brig for being overweight in the Marines while I was pregnant . I was left alone and ( I was an atheist at the time ) I just figured the baby was better off with God than with me . After that I started dating Jesus . I used to just go to the beach and sit by the ocean and cry and talk to God . Now I admit I wasn’t the best person before I knew Jesus but I know I would have been a good mom . What is ever harder is that a pastor told me that abortion was the right decision, which is why I left the church I wish I never listened to her . Years later I think about the baby , because you know when you get around prophets they tend to tell you what God is saying and everyone keeps prophesying “it wasn’t your fault “ … but that doesn’t take the pain away . When I look at Ruth I feel so guilty . Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine cuddling next to him and holding him . It’s the worst when I dream about him , I cry . I dream about him in heaven wrapped in all white cloth in a basket like Moses . That’s the worst . I’m glad God has him but I don’t know how to stop hating myself . I pray but … like it doesn’t take the pain away . His father ( not saying I miss him cause I don’t ) has a very beautiful smile so it’s painful when I think of him ( I think it was a boy because I have been pregnant two times and I felt totally different with Ruth … with Ruth I was sooooo hungry and you could see it in my face , with the other baby I was so angry and emotional (not hungry ) and a little bloated ) . Then what made it even worst is that the fathers friends went to my job and told everyone he didn’t want me because I was black and they laughed at me (while I was pregnant ) . Man that was a terrible time , I think the self hatred came because I don’t know why I let what they said get to me . But I’m trying to forgive myself . I don’t think his father and I would have ever worked out . But I know that that baby would have been beautiful like his father . For a while I hated his father , I just kept blocking him because I hated that he left me to deal with that situation alone . But now I’m learning to let go . I think I need therapy to deal with it . I read the Bible a lot . But it’s so hard because … I just feel so guilty. I’m watching my daughter grow up wondering how my other baby would have been . That’s the worst feeling in the world . I honestly hate myself for what I did and I know God forgives me , but I don’t know how to forgive myself . That’s the truth about abortion , you’ll hate yourself when it’s over like me .

Diamond

Date 2/06/2024

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See The Lord Don’t Play About Me

Let me tell you something , watch your back because people are crazy . All I will say is God just STOPPED a major attack against me . People will smile in your face just to hurt you , watch your self . But I praise God that I have victory over the devil and victory over Satan , because God will reveal all . When GOD tell you about somebody you BETTER LISTEN !

Saying, Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm. – Psalms 105:15

Queen Diamond

Date : 2/05/2024

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My Wedding Ring Was Beautiful

Today I cried all day thinking about my husband and how much I loved him . My heart was broken in a way you could never imagine . I cried and someone had to comfort me . I was hurting so much . I looked at my wedding ring and just wanted to end it all . I meant what I said when I said my vows and to loose my husband to drugs has been the most …. Painful thing I have ever gone through . To watch someone fade away that I was in love with and become unrecognizable has been terrible . The marriage was abusive because of drugs . I remember before he was hooked on drugs he would leave rose petals at my bed when I woke up and it would be gifts and purses waiting for me . Either way I give it to God . Sometimes it hurts so bad I can’t move . Because he was my HUSBAND . He wasn’t not a boyfriend he was my husband !

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I had to make the right decision to choose the safety of my child over Ra’keem. God knows that I loved Ra’keem he was my everything and I loved him and his beautiful dark skin. I have no idea when he decided to start doing drugs but I know that I am heartbroken. All I can do is pray and ask God to help me. Below are the pictures of what he used to look like (he was so handsome like prince charming) , our memories, and his favorite pictures of me.

Y’all Ra’keem was so fine and beautiful. Everywhere we went women would swoon over him , but he just used to hold my hand and kiss me and tell me I was beautiful. His spanish rose. Below are our memories we shared together.

😦



Below were Ra’keem favorite pictures of me before drugs..

We kissed and he smudged my lipstick a little in this picture.

This was his favorite dress that I wore and he used to love when I wore my natural hair.

So.. tonight I am grieving. I feel like a widow.. because my husband is unrecognizable. I asked God if we could make it work, God said no. So, I do hope that he would try to become sober because whatever drug he is doing has caused him to loose his mind and commit crimes. When I said I do , I meant that and I was ready to dedicate my life to birthing his children and building him a dynasty through the children we were planning to have. I would get so excited at the thought of birthing his beautiful dark chocolate babies, I wanted his son so bad. But I have to pick up the broken pieces of my heart and move on.

….. Diamond

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Ordered Alliances For Your Protection


Psalm 105:15King James Version

15 Saying, Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm.

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Sometimes Christian believers go through some things where people get so privately jealous that people do some of the most evil things , and then God steps in and stops them before they can fulfill what they wanted to do. Today on February 2,2024 God was speaking to me about ordered alliances . That some principalities are so evil that you have to align with other people to deal with the principalities evil and wicked plan that is ordered by God to fail. When Joseph was in prison he had an alliance that led to his promotion . When Daniel was in the lions dens , the lions that were meant to kill him ended up being his alliance for his deliverance . People put Daniel in the lions den and those lions were his weapon to combat the schemes of the devil . I want you to know that God already has someone there to aid you as your alliance . You have every right to stand up for yourself . You have every right to defend your self and to protect yourself against every accusation especially when it comes to the protection of your kids . So today , I want you to know that God is reversing the curse and using what is happening as your alliance to defeat your enemy . God is working that situation out for the good .

Romans 8:28New King James Version

28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 

Queen Diamond

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Prophecy : HIV / AIDS PANDEMIC IN THE CHURCH

In case you didn’t know HIV/AIDS is not racist . The terrible disease can infect anyone or anything at any moment . That’s why it is so important to use a condom every time . If you don’t know that person DO NOT have oral sex with that person . Use protection . It is disappointing to see some blacks try to normalize HIV / AIDS that is not normal . I know even in the Marines , I have seen men contract HIV / AIDS . I know because men just meet with random women on dating apps and don’t get them tested and then they have HIV / AIDS . I have been saying it so many times , STOP meeting up with random people online and having sex with them . Get tested every time and know your status . Not only that be HONEST about your status and tell your partner the truth . Don’t lie .
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I know in my own personal life after a lot of prayer God told me to divorce my ex-husband Ra’keem . Because one he was cheating with women he didn’t know unprotected and he was doing drugs while doing it , it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that he is heading down a dangerous path of a permanent disease . Also , I have had to stop dating because I realized that men are so irresponsible with their body because of social media that they will sleep with any female unprotected and come home and give a faithful woman HIV/AIDS . Moral of the story , use a condom and control yourself and stop sleeping around . Dying from HIV/AIDS is not worth it . I thank God everyday that he spared me in my times of being promiscuous when I was working as a stripper and for that I will always be gracious to the Lord .

Wisdom From ,

Queen Diamond

Diamond Chessier