Island Isolation 

Island Isolation 

I Would Rather Be Somewhere Else 

So as you all know I hate being in ministry and I am more than okay with saying that. But lately, I have been thinking about where I want to be. Truth be told, I want to be by myself. Alone, with no one around me. I do not like people and I do not want to live with anyone. I want to be alone, no one there, and me just by myself. I realized that when I am alone, I can’t hurt myself and I do not have to deal with the drama and stupidity of other people.. 

So in my mind I imagine myself on an island, walking on the beach with sand and living there by myself. I am not going to lie, this will probably be my reality 20 years from now probably. I do not want to get involved with ministry groups and all that stuff, I want to be by myself.

I realize that because I am not getting what I want from God I am very unhappy with everyday life. Some days I don’t want to be married, I don’t want to minister, I don’t want to pray for people, I want to be alone. There are some days I ask God why he made it that a woman had to have a husband to be financially stable. Why can’t I pick up and go to an island and live by myself and never speak to anyone again?  

Why do I have to have a husband ? Why can’t I just be by myself and never date a man and be alone? Those are questions I guess I ask to the air. I sometimes feel like I am very misunderstood. Most women dream of a wedding and a husband… I dream of isolation. I dream of being alone. I never wanted God to give me ministry. I wanted isolation. 

I think honestly that that is my new goal. Isolation. Being away from everything and being away from everyone. Or what about the fact that I do not desire affection and I want to be alone? These are just questions that run through my mind every day. Nothing more and nothing less.