Tag: Uganda

Here I Am Grieving Again ..

So , as I told you all my story about my other baby in heaven . But today .. right now I’m thinking about him again. Honestly , sometimes I look at pictures of his father because like … I try to imagine what the baby would have looked like . I don’t think people understand how painful an abortion is . I made a huge mistake, I was told that I would be put in the brig for being overweight in the Marines while I was pregnant . I was left alone and ( I was an atheist at the time ) I just figured the baby was better off with God than with me . After that I started dating Jesus . I used to just go to the beach and sit by the ocean and cry and talk to God . Now I admit I wasn’t the best person before I knew Jesus but I know I would have been a good mom . What is ever harder is that a pastor told me that abortion was the right decision, which is why I left the church I wish I never listened to her . Years later I think about the baby , because you know when you get around prophets they tend to tell you what God is saying and everyone keeps prophesying “it wasn’t your fault “ … but that doesn’t take the pain away . When I look at Ruth I feel so guilty . Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine cuddling next to him and holding him . It’s the worst when I dream about him , I cry . I dream about him in heaven wrapped in all white cloth in a basket like Moses . That’s the worst . I’m glad God has him but I don’t know how to stop hating myself . I pray but … like it doesn’t take the pain away . His father ( not saying I miss him cause I don’t ) has a very beautiful smile so it’s painful when I think of him ( I think it was a boy because I have been pregnant two times and I felt totally different with Ruth … with Ruth I was sooooo hungry and you could see it in my face , with the other baby I was so angry and emotional (not hungry ) and a little bloated ) . Then what made it even worst is that the fathers friends went to my job and told everyone he didn’t want me because I was black and they laughed at me (while I was pregnant ) . Man that was a terrible time , I think the self hatred came because I don’t know why I let what they said get to me . But I’m trying to forgive myself . I don’t think his father and I would have ever worked out . But I know that that baby would have been beautiful like his father . For a while I hated his father , I just kept blocking him because I hated that he left me to deal with that situation alone . But now I’m learning to let go . I think I need therapy to deal with it . I read the Bible a lot . But it’s so hard because … I just feel so guilty. I’m watching my daughter grow up wondering how my other baby would have been . That’s the worst feeling in the world . I honestly hate myself for what I did and I know God forgives me , but I don’t know how to forgive myself . That’s the truth about abortion , you’ll hate yourself when it’s over like me .

Diamond

Date 2/06/2024

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God… I Will Wait For My Adam.

15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”

18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” – Genesis 2:15-18

**

The beginning of Adam and Eve love story is a powerful story. It shows how God specifically designed a woman who was the perfect fit just for Adam. I have been doing a lot of thinking and yes , I am having baby fever I realize that I need not return back to the men who have hurt me so bad in the past. I really believe the next man I have his child will be my Adam, even if the baby is out of wedlock. I don’t want a fling , but a man that understands my personality and understands how I am.

  • A man that understands that I HATE drama and mess.
  • A man that is faithful and honest.
  • A man that is a man of God and has a holy fear and son love for God.
  • A man that is truthful and not abusive.

I realize that I cannot pretend to be anyone that I am not, and yes I will get married again because God told me, but I need a Adam. I need a man that views me as his Eve. I need a man that understands me and I understand him, a man that works with me and not against me. A man that is not fake or phony, I need a real man. I realized that I need an Adam.

With Love,

Queen Diamond

Date: 2/04/2024

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My Wedding Ring Was Beautiful

Today I cried all day thinking about my husband and how much I loved him . My heart was broken in a way you could never imagine . I cried and someone had to comfort me . I was hurting so much . I looked at my wedding ring and just wanted to end it all . I meant what I said when I said my vows and to loose my husband to drugs has been the most …. Painful thing I have ever gone through . To watch someone fade away that I was in love with and become unrecognizable has been terrible . The marriage was abusive because of drugs . I remember before he was hooked on drugs he would leave rose petals at my bed when I woke up and it would be gifts and purses waiting for me . Either way I give it to God . Sometimes it hurts so bad I can’t move . Because he was my HUSBAND . He wasn’t not a boyfriend he was my husband !

***

I had to make the right decision to choose the safety of my child over Ra’keem. God knows that I loved Ra’keem he was my everything and I loved him and his beautiful dark skin. I have no idea when he decided to start doing drugs but I know that I am heartbroken. All I can do is pray and ask God to help me. Below are the pictures of what he used to look like (he was so handsome like prince charming) , our memories, and his favorite pictures of me.

Y’all Ra’keem was so fine and beautiful. Everywhere we went women would swoon over him , but he just used to hold my hand and kiss me and tell me I was beautiful. His spanish rose. Below are our memories we shared together.

😦



Below were Ra’keem favorite pictures of me before drugs..

We kissed and he smudged my lipstick a little in this picture.

This was his favorite dress that I wore and he used to love when I wore my natural hair.

So.. tonight I am grieving. I feel like a widow.. because my husband is unrecognizable. I asked God if we could make it work, God said no. So, I do hope that he would try to become sober because whatever drug he is doing has caused him to loose his mind and commit crimes. When I said I do , I meant that and I was ready to dedicate my life to birthing his children and building him a dynasty through the children we were planning to have. I would get so excited at the thought of birthing his beautiful dark chocolate babies, I wanted his son so bad. But I have to pick up the broken pieces of my heart and move on.

….. Diamond

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I Told You All What It Was

Last year I shared my testimony of being targeted for being a Christian and how I was betrayed by my own husband . I told people how I was targeted by the police and lied on and framed . Here below is confirmation. What is going on with TD JAKES is wrong because P.Diddy has drugged and raped other men … yet the allegations which is true , is that T.D. Jakes is sleeping with him ( P.Diddy) and he is a pedophile . This is absolutely crazy and shows that TD Jakes is NOT fighting for God but TD Jakes is fighting against God .

But if it is from God, you will not be able to overthrow them. You may even find yourselves fighting against God!” – Acts 5:39

https://youtu.be/HkSP8jD3gao?si=ASYDQleTeJ8i5ZAP

The Potter’s House has left God and it’s the truth . I pray that people would open their eyes and see the truth about what God is saying . This is not funny . If a bishop is getting the FBI to target someone for speaking against a RAPIST something is wrong .

Queen Diamond

Isaiah 54:17New King James Version

17 No weapon formed against you shall prosper,
And every tongue which rises against you in judgment
You shall condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
And their righteousness is from Me,”
Says the Lord.

Date : 2/03/2024

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South Korea Is Banning AI

So I am actually for this . Because I have actually AI version of me out there who is releasing fake books and even has a Twitter account and google even has the nerve to name it Diamond Chesser ( but it’s Chessier ) . I realize that AI was a very very very bad idea that needs to go away . Not only is it a breach of security but it’s actually dangerous because people are pretending to be someone and getting them into legal trouble . AI is really a form of identity theft to be honest. I definitely agree AI needs to be banned .

https://m.koreaherald.com/amp/view.php?ud=20230503000549

Queen Diamond

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Fired Enemies

Then the king gave orders to arrest the men who had maliciously accused Daniel. He had them thrown into the lions’ den, along with their wives and children. The lions leaped on them and tore them apart before they even hit the floor of the den. – Daniel 6:24

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People who are bound by a spirit of vendetta sometimes do evil things and then forget that they can and will be fired for what they do to you . I have had to learn that people make bad decisions by wrongfully pursuing or accusing one of God children and then when it backfires they like to pretend that they never meant something a certain way but yes they did. You have to let your enemies be fired . Understand that God is not going to let someone get away with hurting you , you have to let God avenge you . So, don’t worry and go to sleep because your enemies are fired from their jobs . So don’t worry and you shall be promoted .

That’s Just How Good God Is ,

Queen Diamond

Date : 2/03/2024

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