Is God Raising Up More Sarah’s ?

            I remember when the News story’s broke out about octomom. She had given birth to 8 children at one time. I remember when I watched the Disney Movie “Quints” – I always knew that I wanted to be a mother. I always wanted the honor to carry a child and give birth. I just didn’t expect life to happen the way it did. When I was pregnant with (Ruth) my ex-husband Ra’keem tried to choke me and punch me while I was carrying on my birthday. His brother jumped me a few weeks after I had a baby. My ex-husband Ra’keem also lied on me to the New Bern Police Department while I was battling post-partum depression because he was angry that I wanted to get the marriage annulled and did not want to be his wife. That led me to be ejected – literally the court documents in New Bern , North Carolina verbally say “because of her husband”. I had gone through some tough things as a mother and yet I recovered and returned back to base camp in Chicago, Illinois.

            Yet, as more doors open for me to sing as a ordained minister and former First Lady. I can tell you that I have been involved with men who cannot conceive a child. I ask God and he said, “Diamond. It is the spirit realm. They are not physically strong enough to conceive a child with you”. I realized that when a man has not accomplished as much as a woman, he cannot conceive with her because his body has not been caused to endure the levels of stress or hardship that she has gone through – which makes them biologically incompatible to reproduce according to the spirit realm.

            Now that has left me very sad – to the point that I have been considering artificial insemination because I am 29 years old. I thought I was going to have a house with a white picket fence by now , have a apple mini-farm in my back yard, and have at least 5 children. Well, I have one child and I love her. But I want to birth more children.

            It is crazy because before I became a Christian I did not believe in the power of fasting and prayer, I did not believe in the Bible, and  definitely did not believe in the story of Sarah. I heard it before but I did not believe. But now I feel like I am walking the past of Sarah. I desperately want a family and more children – but I feel God telling me to wait. I did more research and saw that the oldest woman in modern day history was 74 years old when she conceived. I cry sometimes – me being a woman as I watch everyone else birthing.. But God keeps telling me , “I did not call or choose them. There bloodline does not matter. Because I did not choose them”. At first I loathed that idea, but now I have no choice but to stand firm on the promises of God that I will conceive. I was not necessarily asking for a husband but I did want more children because that is my natural desire to do so as a woman.

            Yet, I have been miserable and depressed. Comparing myself to everyone else online. I felt like people were mocking me in church , “Hey you know so and so have more kids now. You only have one”. Granted they had teeth missing and smelled really bad. But still.

            So though I am a minister, my biological clock  is ticking.. I want to become pregnant and have more children. I don’t necessarily want a husband. But I did want more kids. I have been thinking a lot about Sarah and the pain and humiliation she must have felt watching everyone else become pregnant. I wonder how embarrassing it was for Sarah to watch Hagar walk around with her husband’s baby. I can kind of feel that pain.

            All I ever wanted was a family (Joshua 24:15). I never wanted to be famous, never wanted influence, and never wanted to be a preacher. I just wanted a cozy house, warm Christmas music playing in the background , I wanted to bake pies and cookies for my kids, and I wanted to build a snowman infront of our brick house. I would sit back and daydream of watching my kids play snowball fights with there dad and having the time of there lives. I wanted to bake cookies for my kids to leave out for Santa. I was robbed of that in 2023. Swarmed by police officers who were concerned about influence.. But all I wanted was a beautiful family and a house to raise my kids in. I was preparing to purchase a house and had the money for the deposit. I made a mistake and invested into ministry instead and I regret it. I should have kicked Ra’keem out my house sooner and bought my house while I had a chance.

            Now it seems that debt is building up because of marriage. Depression has seeped in. I do not really believe in faith – but maybe God is trying to show me something.. Maybe faith will lead me to that beautiful brick house , wonderful front yard, and that snowy cookie baking day with my children. I want to experience building gingerbread houses with my children. I was looking forward to rocking my newest baby to the bunch by the warm candlelight fire. As a woman I am depressed and had to lean on God. My dreams of being that type of mother have been shattered because of the F.B.I , the USMC , and the New Bern Police. They USMC just had to hurt me one last time to remind me I was black.

            Now as I am moving forward and singing in ministry in emotional pain. I have to remember Sarah. I have to remember that Sarah was in emotional pain for 90 years. She was praying for more than 70 years for a son named Isaac. When she thought all hope was lost it finally came. I realized that maybe I am not doing enough in the spirit realm. Maybe I should read my Bible more, watch more content about family, or even study more about fertility. I have to do more to have more. There is a lot of witchcraft flowing. But I believe in God. I believe that just like Sarah God will open my womb to conceive again and I will finally have the family that I was promised many years ago.

“Then Abraham bowed down to the ground, but he laughed to himself in disbelief. “How could I become a father at the age of 100?” he thought. “And how can Sarah have a baby when she is ninety years old?” – Genesis 17:17 NLT

Minister Precious-Diamond S. Chessier