Thought Process  

But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart. – Luke 2:19  

Last year I was speaking to someone that I still love and care for. I was still angry and bitter about something that occurred when we were younger. I said some things that I regret. But what he said to me was, “I hope he is a better man to you than I was”. I remember that day because I closed my laptop in anger. I walked away and brushed it off, still angry. At that moment I felt like I finally got my vindication for what happened… But no… That was not my vindication. That was something else… God was about to heal my thought process.  

Little by little, my marriage unraveled. Little by little the marriage became more and more evil. I endured things that I cannot even imagine. Because my soon to be ex-husband would not listen to me, the landlord waited two weeks before the end of the lease to lie and say that we would not leave the home. That’s a lie… I GLADLY left the uninhabitable home. Because my husband would not listen to me his brother waited until he left and jumped me after I had a baby (I won btw… Almost got arrested though). I don’t want to continue on all that happened … but out of everything that transpired in the old relationship between me and that man… I can honestly say that he never did this to me.  

As We Are Closing The Year 

I have been forced to sit back and talk to God about a lot. I had to tell God he was right… Because in 2019 God told me that me and that other man would be back together… OfCourse being stubborn I wouldn’t accept it and now look at me. What makes it worse is that I literally told him that my “new man” (ex-husband) moved me into the house, had a lot of money, was an accountant, and all of these other things… but what does the Bible say…? 

And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? – Mark 8:36  

Yes, my soon to be ex-husband had a job as an accountant … but … I don’t even think I will be ready to tell what he did… or if I will ever be ready. Yes… he had a bachelors but… he hurt me in ways I can’t explain. Yeah… he moved me into his 4-bedroom house… But it was HELL, he constantly made bad decisions because of his pride and ego and would not listen to me and now we are being sued for something that we did not even do. Yes… he was a youth pastor at a mega-church… but he… I can’t even say it. It’s terrible.  

Moral Of The Story  

I can’t explain how I feel. The days when I woke up in this terrible marriage with black circles under my eyes. The days I did not recognize myself. The days I couldn’t move out of the bed for MONTHS … For TWO YEARS I looked in the mirror and did not recognize myself.  

How do I look? A man that I secretly love asked me for another chance, I told him no and told him about my ex-husband and now look at me?  Lesson learned. You have to be so careful how you treat people… Because you have no idea how it is going to come back to you.  

I married my ex-husband because I thought it would look good for ministry. Here I am an international prophetess and I am married to a former pastor at a megachurch. Sweetheart, that was the worst decision of my life. I have heard so many horror stories from first ladies that said don’t ever marry a pastor. I thought they were crazy… Nope… You would not believe what they secretly do.  

But the crazy thing is… God told me not to marry my ex-husband. I am thankful for his grace that carried me through that like Gomer and Jonah. I regret my ex-husband.  

Thought Process  

God takes us through battles to warn other people. To the young man… Be very careful marrying for ministry and how it looks. Pursue God and pursue happiness. You would be very surprised and shocked at how evil some women are in the church. To young ladies… DO NOT marry a pastor. Pursue God and let God make you happy with a man that will make you smile and happy.  

Now I Want A Second Chance  

Now I want a second chance to listen to what God has to say. I want a second chance with the man that God has for me.  

But in that coming day no weapon turned against you will succeed. You will silence every voice raised up to accuse you. These benefits are enjoyed by the servants of the LORD; their vindication will come from me. I, the LORD, have spoken! – Isaiah 54:17