Lately I have been in deep thought because I will be 30 in 3 years. I have a registered church, books, and a business at the age of 26 (my birthday is in April) but I feel empty. I do not feel fulfilled in ministry. Truth be told I never wanted ministry and as a prophet it has been a lonely and difficult road. It has been difficult to find a spouse that makes me happy (it has not happened), constant rejection and betrayal by almost everyone has almost made me one of the most angry people in the world, and yet my childhood still angered me the most. Lord do not throw being a veteran into the mix because people then like to call the police like I am some threat to society or something for being in the Marines.
I realize my call is never to fit the crowd. But I wonder how many preachers out there have my same mentality.. How can you find joy in something you truly never wanted to do? If I wanted to be a preacher then maybe I would be happy but I did not. I guess that’s the hard part of the call of a prophet.. Prophet’s tend to endure a season of truly being miserable and without a cause. It is not easy watching all of these wayward preachers listen to secular music and post how perfect their family is while God in my opinion is being overly strict on you.
I know that I am not the only one. Many days I wished I could go into a different profession and truly do something else because I could care less about people. In my mind I have a daughter, I have other responsibilities and I could care less about the church or other “souls” . I’m a whole mother.
Sometimes I regret even entering into ministry because it truly was not worth it. I regret going to church because of the persecution that I suffered even from “apostolic” ministries. I regret it.. Yet I cannot take back my success even though I wish I could. But to those pastor’s out there that truly feel like giving up, trust me you are not alone. It is crazy how you open a ministry after God tells you and then these bums have the nerve to attack your every motive and move as if they could handle being in your position. I remember one day some idiot told me that God would give my assignment to someone else lol yeah ok. Be my guest, feel free to walk in my shoes. I would be glad to hand you everything and go back to the way I want to live… but that is neither here nor there. It is very ironic that people attribute to your ministry and then believe that they could do or do it better. How hilarious. Needless to say… to every frustrated pastor out there male and female you are not alone. To every minister in a miserable marriage yet dying on the inside in ministry you are not alone. But especially to everyone prophet who feels bitter and angry you are not alone. Being a prophet and watching everyone prosper while you’re being “obedient” has got to be one of the top 10 worst things on this earth.. I’m not even lying. But I want you to know that your emotions and how you feel are normal..
Apostle Diamond Chessier