Habakkuk 2:1-4 King James Version 2 I will stand upon my watch, and set me upon the tower, and will watch to see what he will say unto me, and what I shall answer when I am reproved. 2 And the Lord answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. 3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. 4 Behold, his soul which is lifted up is not upright in him: but the just shall live by his faith.
I have been away for a long time. I have been going through some very serious things, and I want everyone to know that I am okay. I am going to be doing less YouTube and more blogging. Below are some of my latest books. Also, I have a new boyfriend named Keenan Myles Hammonds and we are engaged . Love you all with the love of the Lord ! Below are links to my latest books also !
#prettynicesweater
I am officially done with ministry.
A few years ago I felt like God had chosen me to be in ministry even though I hated it with all my heart. Lately, I have been doing the bare minimum just so God will leave me alone and stop afflicting me. But after making a terrible decision to marry my husband and dealing with the stupidity that comes with the church I made the decision that I am done with ministry. It’s not worth it. I’m not doing it and I do not care if someone else is a void filler because I refuse to preach. So, do not worry everyone, no I am not off the deep end, I just do not care anymore and I am done.
Seriously,
Diamond
God Is Not Going To Bless Them
God Is Not Blessing Them
As I was faced with the very real truth about divorce and all that I have gone through I realized that my marriage cannot be revived. Today God was speaking to me about my love life and the men I have dated in the past and the Lord said, “let them go”. Yes. God told me to let ALL of them go. I realized that because I have become more well known that I have dealt with jealousy and cruelty to a whole new level. I realized that the racism I dealt with mixed with the constant bad decisions that my husband makes has caused me to accept that I am done.
As a single mother, I realized that my husband’s constant bad decisions have severely impacted my daughter and I and I are done. No more back and forth , I am getting a divorce. I do not understand how my soon to be ex-husband could make such bad decisions and then somehow try to play the victim and say he hates himself for what he did to me. The thing is every relationship does not end because of infidelity. My soon to be ex-husband did not cheat but he is a compulsive liar. He lies about everything, he will look me in my face and lie and then get upset that I do not believe his lie and continue to lie. But the lying has gotten so bad that he has put my daughter and I in severe danger more than once. He takes better care of his other daughter than mine and then gets angry when I address it. He has done everything he can to stop me from working to earn my own money. He has lied and caused me to be in legal battles that were not my own, and thankfully I have had victory over them. Yet, what God has told me is, “get ready to go”. Yes, God told me to leave him.
God helped me to see that the provision that my soon to be ex-husband currently has is only to provide for Ruth and I. God made me see that this generation of men must reap what they have sown. The things that this generation of men do is plain evil and it is wrong. I look forward to the day of my divorce. Being married to him was a nightmare. I gave him a house filled with love and peace and he can vouch for that which is why he doesn’t want a divorce. He keeps pushing back the date and he looks shocked when I say we’re getting a divorce. My ex-husband and I were married in New Bern, North Carolina. In North Carolina the rules for divorce are very complicated. Both people have to prove that they were not with each other for
1 year before they can legally file for divorce. We have both agreed that I will have full sole custody of her and he does not pay child support that is the deal.
But honestly, God TOLD me not to marry him. I will never forget that day I got married I had a dream the night before God said , “Don’t do it ! Don’t marry him” ! So because I married God told me that he was going to show who he really is. Yes he did and I want out. Marrying him was a mistake. I have never seen a man like him. For a man to make bad decisions that cause a domino effect on his family and be only concerned about a coke head’s problems ? Yeah.. I’m good. Lesson learned.
As a black woman I understand that self-worth must be taught. As a black woman who is becoming a single mother I am very disgusted by what happened in my marriage. He told me he hates himself for what he did to me and he does because I was truly a good wife. I do not have time for the influence of women to constantly cause him to make terrible decisions.
Someone who is a bad decision maker can and will be the end of a marriage and end of a family. Because those bad decisions lead to serious consequences. As I am walking on water, I accept that this marriage was a mistake. Like I have told him the only good thing I got from it was my daughter.
Every Birthday for me and my daughter he has ruined, yet he expects everyone to hurdle around his other child and Ruth and I are not doing it. I told my daughter the other day she is no one’s embarrassment and she is no one’s back up plan. I will NOT teach my daughter to allow any man to give her bread crumbs and not even her father. He already knows that his family is NOT allowed to see Ruth and it is because of their drug usage.
As a single mother, I have had to learn some valuable lessons about obedience. Everything I worked for he tore down. As a dating mom, I realize that a reason I do not think I will be quick to date again is because it is terrible being married to someone who will ruin everything you worked for. For my husband to ruin what I worked for is a different level of pain. This man is not some bum I met on the street, this is my husband. I do not know if I will be able to trust another man right away because I cannot allow a man to cause me to lose what I worked for. Mentally, emotionally, and physically I am done with this marriage and my daughter and I are moving on. I refuse to date anyone from my past because I will NOT allow another irresponsible man to put my daughter and I at risk of losing everything again. In this situation I was NOT chasing a man, this was my HUSBAND , a man that I did business with… I am DONE. I am done.
Island Isolation
I Would Rather Be Somewhere Else
So as you all know I hate being in ministry and I am more than okay with saying that. But lately, I have been thinking about where I want to be. Truth be told, I want to be by myself. Alone, with no one around me. I do not like people and I do not want to live with anyone. I want to be alone, no one there, and me just by myself. I realized that when I am alone, I can’t hurt myself and I do not have to deal with the drama and stupidity of other people..
So in my mind I imagine myself on an island, walking on the beach with sand and living there by myself. I am not going to lie, this will probably be my reality 20 years from now probably. I do not want to get involved with ministry groups and all that stuff, I want to be by myself.
I realize that because I am not getting what I want from God I am very unhappy with everyday life. Some days I don’t want to be married, I don’t want to minister, I don’t want to pray for people, I want to be alone. There are some days I ask God why he made it that a woman had to have a husband to be financially stable. Why can’t I pick up and go to an island and live by myself and never speak to anyone again?
Why do I have to have a husband ? Why can’t I just be by myself and never date a man and be alone? Those are questions I guess I ask to the air. I sometimes feel like I am very misunderstood. Most women dream of a wedding and a husband… I dream of isolation. I dream of being alone. I never wanted God to give me ministry. I wanted isolation.
I think honestly that that is my new goal. Isolation. Being away from everything and being away from everyone. Or what about the fact that I do not desire affection and I want to be alone? These are just questions that run through my mind every day. Nothing more and nothing less.
August Music Gospel Playlist
I Told The Storm – Greg O’ Quin
Yes – Shekinah Glory
Live – J.J. Hariston
To Our God – Judith McCallister
Work It Out -Dr. Charles G. Hayes
Real Life Real Jesus 