Verse Of The Day

Habakkuk 3:17-19New International Version

17 Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
    I will be joyful in God my Savior.

19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
    he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
    he enables me to tread on the heights.

For the director of music. On my stringed instruments.

**

Sis… DO NOT marry a pastor from a pastor’s wife…  

Sis… DO NOT marry a pastor from a pastor’s wife…  

Ezekiel 2:5-7 

The Voice5 Whether this nation of rebels listens or refuses to listen to My message, at least they will know a prophet has visited them. 6 Do not fear them or their words, son of man. Though you will dwell among the thistles and briars of their hostility, though their reactions will make you think you’re sitting on scorpions, do not be afraid. Pay no attention to their threats, and don’t let their glaring faces intimidate you. They are a rebellious lot. 7 It is vital you feed them My words, whether they choose to digest them or not, for they are a rebellious people. 

God Told Me Not To Marry Him  

When we first met, he was not who he is now. But now I realize that people pretend and you don’t know who someone is until you marry them. When we met he was taking me shopping, buying purses, giving me money, roses, and anything I wanted. I felt like I was being romanced and treated like a Queen. That’s what he would call me … Queen. He moved me into his house after I felt like God said to get my own home. He tells me that that is not what God wanted me to do. After I had a terrible dream that moving into the home with him and his family would be a nightmare it came to pass. I warned him in secret that I did not want to live with him because of his family and he told me that something was playing with my mind. But now I can honestly say I hate him and his family.  

One, I met his mother first and she is an alleged false pastor and apostle. She is always homeless and yet playing the victim. She began to teach that Christian’s belonged in concentration camps and I was not in agreement. When she said she was constantly kicked out of churches and asked to leave, I thought she was persecuted. No… she is really crazy like straight jacket crazy. She lied on me every day. Took my flowers and pretended for them to be hers on Facebook. Everyday something was wrong. So many times, she told him things would be better if I left and that I ruined his previous marriage. If that wasn’t enough his brother liked me and became angry because I did not like him and later jumped me and I had to fight him because I was not attracted to him. I really do hate my soon to be ex-husband. In that home I lost over $5,000  because he wouldn’t pay me when I helped him. It started with me helping him with his work. That is $5,000 that I worked myself off! for! I discovered he was still sending his ex-wife money after he gave her $20,000 and saved for three kids and two don’t even belong to him $15,000 for school. But this is what is crazy about that. He told me she had a drug problem. I’m thinking of weed… Nah. This idiot is a coke head and heroin head. She is on hard core drugs. Why does he financially support a druggie?? I have no idea.  

So, his ex-wife is a crack head getting passed around in Baltimore at a crack house for drugs. He’s paying for her bills and won’t help me financially. That is only the beginning. I found out that I was pregnant he says his first thought was abortion. Then tells me he doesn’t know how he is going to explain this to his other daughter (as if she is so special but she’s not). So, I give birth prematurely and my baby is born sick. He did NOT help prepare for her but he drove over 3 hours to drop off a bag of $15 hair for his other daughter to get her hair braided but didn’t help me ONE time prepare for my daughter. He leaves me in the hospital after I give birth (after I found tons of pornography in his phone) the day I give birth. When my baby is sick and I have to rush her to the emergency room, he tells me he has to stop and get dog food for his daughter’s dog (that’s why it’s dead now). So I had to rush my baby in a lyft to the ER. He wouldn’t move me after the house was inhabitable and he almost got us evicted because he tried to take the landlord to escrow and wouldn’t pay him rent after I TOLD HIM to pay rent.  

Now God told me to leave him when I was pregnant but I was afraid because I was pregnant and didn’t know what to do. Yes, he took me on trips. Yes, he took me on vacations but IT WAS NOT WORTH IT! Many days I wished he wasn’t my daughter’s father. So, I had to work overnight shifts, two weeks after giving birth to take care of my daughter because HE WOULD NOT HELP! Because he was purposely trying to keep me from leaving him so he did not want me to have any money coming in at all.  

He was a youth pastor at a mega-church in Baltimore. He was about to become associate pastor. But I told him that God said that that was not a good position for him and I was right. Because it quickly blew up in his face. If that wasn’t enough, he had a business and when I was pregnant, I literally listened to him outside the door (he didn’t know I was there) flirt with one of his customers. This is crazy because when I was pregnant, I had SO MANY MEN staring and trying to talk to me. Like one just randomly came and asked to rub my stomach in the store I dealt with a lot but because I was pregnant, I didn’t cheat.  

Over It  

So after he begs and cries for me to give him another chance. I tell him I want a divorce and there is nothing to talk about . He does not pay rent on time , he never repaid the $5,000 I lost, but he gave his ex-wife $20,000. If that wasn’t enough I found out his car actually has his ex-wife name on it. See that is news to me because I was under the impression that he bought both cars himself …. NOPE ! But what can you expect from a liar? IF that wasn’t enough his mother and his ex-wife worked together to ruin my birthday when I was pregnant and he finds a way to make my birthday all about him and how he doesn’t like that I feel some type of way on my birthday. Now I have constantly told this fool to get out of my house and give me my house key. But NOPE ! He just won’t do it. So here I am stuck because I fought his brother and I caused a lot of damage when the police were about to arrest me and his mother almost pressed charges on me because of it. So if I fight he can call the police and I could lose my baby. Sis is stuck. But if that wasn’t enough, on my baby birthday I caught his daughter teasing and taunting my baby and I wanted to punch her head through the wall but I kicked her out. Because again I already got one case and I can’t lose my baby if I go to jail. So his daughter is not allowed in my house. I have told him over and over again to go live somewhere else now all of sudden I pretended to love him, it’s so easy to leave and then he wants to bring up someone I spoke to last year. But my thing is how do you have the audacity to be mad that I was messaging and reconnecting with someone else when you have done all of this? One, my baby daddy asked me for another chance last year, I should have said yes instead of dealing with his crazy behind. And now this fool mad because I want to leave? Sis I refuse to be a dummy. After praying God told me that a lot of women are idiots. They stay in toxic relationships like this ALL THE TIME in ministry and in church. But baby Diamond won’t. I have too much going for myself. I will not.  

Crazy 

I do not agree with how he is raising his other daughter. She uploaded a really disgusting and nasty video for a little girl onto YouTube. See Ruth would never try me like that because I will really beat her butt. My daughter is spoiled but what I am not going to do is let her be nasty for YouTube at an early age. That is not going to happen. Now, his ex-wife take’s all the child support money and uses it for crack-cocaine and has the nerve to sue both of her children’s fathers for more money (child support) to support her cocaine problem. I’m done with it. Because when she runs out of money for a cocaine problem, she calls the police and I’m not dealing with it because the police can keep trying me but I will fight them especially over my daughter. It takes a lot to make me angry but I’m not scared of anybody. But what is crazy is that his ex-wife serves in ministry at Greater Grace World Outreach in Baltimore. They have her doing pictures and programs and she is a whole cocaine addict and meth head. Again… GOD TOLD ME NOT TO MARRY HIM!!!! I Should have listened!!!  

But if that was not enough. His mother is sleeping with her spiritual daughter (whom  I had to fight). How nasty is that ? You literally are in a relationship with another woman and telling people that she is your spiritual daughter ?!!!! She is going to hell. His mother stole his identity and opened a loan in his name. GOD TOLD ME NOT TO MARRY HIM !!!!!  

Honestly, Ra’keem is the biggest mistake of my life. I should have never married him. Me and my baby would have been fine without him. What bothers is me is that religion, said Ra’keem. Religious people said Ra’keem because he was a pastor. I should have married someone that I loved and let God do the work. I would have rather been happy than been with Ra’keem. It bothers me because Ra’keem is upset because I miss my ex? Fool do you know what you have done? If that was not enough now we have to go to court for custody. All of a sudden, he want’s joint custody??? This fool wanted me to abort her but now he sees that because I have over 1 million views on YouTube he want’s joint custody… Is he crazy??? This fool is NOT about to have my baby with a cocaine head child and her meth head problems. The devil is a lie. The opportunity presented itself. I should have taken it. Because he NEVER did this to me. It is crazy because the person who asked me for another chance is not a pastor but I swear I truly believe he would not have done this. I should have let God do work for that other person. Moral of the story. Do not marry a pastor. I have heard so many horror stories of first ladies and what they secretly go through. But as a first lady I promise you I am going to sprint to my divorce. I heard many women say do not pursue a pastor because it is not what you think. I would do anything to get another chance with God and rewind time. I had to make this statement because God has revealed what is to come. One, I am a prophetess and I will not let Ra’keem and his family ruin my honorable reputation of being a prophetess. I am very aware of what they are going to do but I boldly say and declare that has nothing to do with me. When Ra’keem and I divorce he is responsible for his own decisions and I cannot be accountable for his choices and actions. His daughter is no longer my step-daughter, I am not responsible for her. I want nothing to do with raising her. Never again! Again…. DO NOT MARRY A PASTOR! 

Signed,  

A Future Ex-Wife To A Pastor  

Daily Devotion : We Need God To Survive

October 4, 2022

We Need God To Survive  

then the LORD God formed [that is, created the body of] man from the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and the man became a living being [an individual complete in body and spirit]. – Genesis 2:7  

** 

As I was looking at Hurricane Ian and the damage it has done to Florida and South Carolina I was very terrified at God of what I saw. There were many video’s of people claiming that the ocean was in the street’s of South Carolina and it was indeed. The barrier was gone from the Ocean.  

Have you no respect for me? Why don’t you tremble in my presence? I, the LORD, define the ocean’s sandy shoreline as an everlasting boundary that the waters cannot cross. The waves may toss and roar, but they can never pass the boundaries I set. – Jeremiah 5:22 

It is evident that boundaries were gone in that circumstance. Honestly, that was just a preview of what is to come. People may continue in their sin but God will always continue unleashing his judgment just as he did sodom and gomorrah.  

Then the LORD rained down fire and burned sulfur from the sky on Sodom and Gomorrah.- Genesis 19:24 

I Didn’t Get To Heal

 I Didn’t Get To Heal 

*** 

When I found I was pregnant I was very very shocked … because I was in a bad place . I didn’t expect to get pregnant because I never wanted to be married so , you know in Christian culture you have to be a wife and have kids and whatever … but I never wanted that . So when I found I was pregnant I was happy … but I really realized how totally broken I was. 

** 

It was hard watching everyone have a baby shower and be happy … I didn’t have any friends so I didn’t get that . I didn’t have family that loved me so I didn’t get to have a registry . I didn’t get to call and have someone check on me or really care about how I was doing . I celebrated her 1 month by myself with a ballon and a cake singing happy birthday to her . But tonight … I realized that maybe my ministry is for the woman who didn’t get to heal. Maybe my ministry is for the woman whose husband beat her after having the baby and is broken . Maybe my ministry is for the mother who had to work right after having a baby (like me ) because she had responsibilities and didn’t get to rest . Maybe my ministry is for the woman who was beaten 3 months after having a baby and felt empty and foolish . Maybe that’s who God has called me to . I was going through my phone and found this picture of me and my daughter . My eyeliner is gone on one eye because I was tired after working a night shift . She looks so much like me . As I watch her sleep I honestly beg God that she doesn’t have my story . That’s the hard part of being a mother . We clean houses , sweep floors , endure domestic violence while secretly wiping tears from our faces . We smile at church when our husband just hit us in the car . We suffer and give birth when men leave us at the hospital by ourselves . And yet … when our baby says “mommy I love you “ all that pain goes away because our children don’t know what we just went through to pay our bills . 

** 

I’ve accepted I’m not called to the pinky promise clan , that eat vegan and never have to worry about anything because there husbands just love them so much … nope … I’m called to that woman who was been beaten and choked while pregnant , I’m called to that woman who hated herself and cried herself to sleep every night while pregnant because her husband keeps staring at other women in public … I’m called to that woman who didn’t get a chance to heal after she had a baby because she had to pay bills … I pray for you because I pray for myself. God will provide and take care of you .

Sandre’a

Break The Curse Of Maternal Hatred & Abuse

As I was reading the word of God today a line appeared and it said “identifies the speaker as Nehemiah, son of Hachaliah” . Lately , God has been speaking to me a lot about motherhood and parenting in my personal time with God . There are not many good examples of motherhood especially in the church. There are not good examples of loving our children and preparing our children to carry the torch. Although , Nehemiah authored a book of the Holy Bible , his father Hachaliah planted the seed so that Nehemiah could go forth . 

*** 

Bigger Opportunities 

Maybe Nehemiah father didn’t have the same opportunities as Nehemiah did. Maybe Nehemiah father HAD to work on the farm all day to provide for his family … Maybe Nehemiah family was born into poverty and he HAD to work long hours to get his family out of poverty ? Maybe all this is true . 

** 

Personal Experience 

When I was in High-school although I was accepted into a AP Program for gifted children , I wasn’t allowed to do homework when I got home because my abusive family made me and wanted me to fail out of the program because according to their words they wanted me to be a bum like my father

 – but I would NEVER do that to my own child … My daughter Ruth is so smart and so advanced that she shocks many at her level of intelligence… now only if she could not climb out her crib and climb out when she thinks I’m not looking that would be nice 😂

I didn’t have another option beside the military actually truth be told I never wanted to go into the Marines , I wanted to go into the Army buuuuttt again they wouldn’t sign the papers for any other branch because there was a weird obsession of making it look like I wanted to be like someone’s creepy spouse 

  • with Ruth … she is NOT ALLOWED to enter into the military .. she better figure it out , now when I have a son maybe … because God has told me something about my future son . But my daughter ? NO ! 

I went through a lot of abuse as a child , things that I’m to ashamed to even speak of , but because she was a police officer she abused me and did some of the most evil and terrible things to me and then called the police on me and 9 times out of 10 they believed her because she was a police officer , but there was 1 police officer who said that God had a plan for me 

  • That will NEVER be Ruth’s story , I would never call the police on my daughter and I would never let my husband abuse her . I would never purposely make her fail school to become a statistic. Because I love her . 

** 

Truth is while reading this one simple line I understood Nehemiah’s father … I didn’t have opportunities… I didn’t have chances my life was hard . While people enjoyed Highschool I had to work at jobs to get out of the house as soon as I turned 18 . But that will never be my daughter’s story . Nehemiah father probably didn’t have the same chance as his son , but it’s the fact that his suffering provided a way for his son to honor him and carry on his legacy . 

I get tired of hearing the same story of “well the only reason she did that is because that happened to her” that’s a bunch of crap . I didn’t abuse my daughter and I never had the desire to do it . Just because you were abused doesn’t give you the right to abuse someone else . Love your child and break the curse ! 

Isaiah 54:17

King James Version

17 No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord.

What was difficult is that even though people knew I was raped , abused , molested somehow some way it was always my fault . In the church they said I was raped or harassed because I had a spirit in me . Now you could imagine my journey to Christ was not easy . I left the church because I didn’t want anything to do with Christian’s because of what I saw . But when I was in the wilderness , I was broken down so low that I had to call out to God . I had to find God for myself , I didn’t come to God at church or through prophecy , but through The Holy Bible . 

There are some days I struggle as a mother . My daughter is beautiful so she gets a lot of attention … smh we were actually in the store the other day and a 4-5 year old boy literally broke his neck staring at her I got angry but honestly … it scared me a little . It scared me because I know what I have been through .. and that’s a whole other battle . Sometimes it does scare me when I see the attention she gets … people always tell me that they are obsessed with my daughter … but daily I trust him (God) for help in raising a beautiful daughter … because I just don’t want her to experience the pain I went through because of beauty . 

If I didn’t do anything else on this earth , I want my legacy to be remembered as a woman who taught mother’s to love God and not abuse their children . Especially, for multi-cultural women (Titus). We have to break that curse of hating our daughters and children , we have to break that ! Multi-cultural women we have to do better and love our daughters and sons.. even if no one loved you . 

Love Sandre’a ,