I’m Tiyurd Of This…

The Cost Of Love  

And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? – Mark 8:36 

How Many Times Did You Say?  

Eight. I said Eight. Eight times marriage has been brought up to me by eight different men. If you count my soon to be ex-husband it is nine. When I was in the world I had a lot of commitment issues. I had a very dark family secret that I was hiding and I was too afraid to be vulnerable and really tell people what happened and what was going on with me. So I got into relationships that didn’t work. I blocked them and moved on. Then  started getting in trouble with God. Because I was so wild. Partying and drinking and then God told me to change or I would miss his return. Hungover I went to church… but I wasn’t feeling it. I had been abused by people in the church so I was not feeling church. So God had to deal with me 1 on 1 in order for me to change. I lost everything . God took everything. God let everyone betray me until one day I surrendered and said God I will do it please just help me. – Jeremiah 29:11 

Overcoming Bums 

No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. – Romans 8:37 

So I started dating and because I took bad advice, I dated men who I had more than. More money, more success, more drive, and that did not go well. See I was listening to the wrong people give me advice about love and marriage. I don’t want who they think I want; I want who God thinks is best. There was one… I still love him and I hate that I love him. Because I think it’s guilt that has made me still love him. He is a very beautiful man to be honest. But what angers me now about that situation is that people who knew my family from my childhood told me not to marry him and that is why I am kind of angry about it now as I am older… How could I listen to church people who listened to someone from my family after they have abused me ?  

I did something kind of messed up on him. I was  not truthful to him about what I was doing and in turn he moved on and married someone else. For years I was angry at him for that but then God had to make me see that the only reason that transpired is because of what I did to him. I remember when I checked his Instagram and he had all of these pictures posted of his ex-wife. I remember how old fake associates smiled in my face when they told me about his baby. I was really shattered. I was very heartbroken. But I moved on . For years I blamed him for everything and told everyone he got someone pregnant behind my back and lied and didn’t tell the truth. But God had to really talk to me… He reminded me of what transpired before he did all of those things. He reminded me of how he felt when he saw me with someone else. I should not have done that. This failed marriage has really changed my viewpoint on a lot of things. Especially because my husband does terrible things and then acts like he does not know why I don’t want him in any shape , form , or fashion….  

I guess this marriage made me revisit myself . It made me think about 19 year old me.. It made me think about all of the bad advice I took.. It made me really come face to face with myself. If you love someone even as a friend … don’t have them in the car with another man. I made a mistake and I apologize for that. I should have  never done that.  

A terrible marriage really opens your eyes to alot. It is so funny and yet ironic I spoke to him last year (before  Instagram took my account stupid jerks)… and he said that if he knew what he knows now things would have been alot different. I didn’t understand what he was saying.. But baby now I do. I don’t know the full details of his divorce but if it is anything close to what I am dealing with I can’t imagine. If I knew what I know now I would have made a lot of different choices.  

Looking back on it … why did I think it was ok to pick him up in the car with another man? I really wish I could take that back. Like I said.. My failed marriage made me think about this. But God said because someone did that to you. That is true. That was a whole other revelation. I am not the same anymore. I’m not writing because I’m desperate for him or anything. Lately I have been dealing with so much I just need to write. It is therapeutic. Just write out my pain and frustration.  

The hard part about being international is that you don’t know who’s real anymore.. And that’s on God. I swear people are so fake. I remember when God asked me if I could handle my next level. I thought when I crossed over to a million everything would be perfect. God was perfect. But God was reconstructing me.  

Love 

And now there remain: faith [abiding trust in God and His promises], hope [confident expectation of eternal salvation], love [unselfish love for others growing out of God’s love for me], these three [the choicest graces]; but the greatest of these is love. – 1 Corinthians 13:13 

 I swear now that people know me, people are so fake. God has to help me alot. They do anything for views. Anything to be seen. I can’t even date because I don’t know who’s real anymore. I do want those romantic vibes and someone just to chill and watch movies with.. Right now I’m not looking for nothing serious just someone to spend time with .. someone who just isn’t fake. Someone that’s not with me to be seen or add me because they see I have  10,000 followers here, or 1 Million there, or 35,000 followers here. I have excellent discernment so nobody can just seep into my life. That is why me and my soon to be ex-husband aren’t working out. Because God tells me everything he does, he lies to my face, and then causes more chaos when God proves me to be right the entire time.  

I think this next time around I’m not dating a super spiritual man. Seriously, the men I have dated in the church were DISGUSTING! That is crazy to me. I thought when I became a Christian that my dream man would be in the church. Heck no. These fools are disgusting. Had the find out the hard way one was gay.. That wasn’t fun. One was openly gay and still tried to talk to me while leading praise and worship wearing lipstick and dresses and got mad when I said no. One was attracted to dogs and was traveling and preaching as a prophet. One beat women. One has a pornography addiction. Yet, they are all in the church…. One is a lazy bum almost 40 and still naming himself a rapper on Facebook. One won’t work. One worked at McDonald’s… I’m sick of it.  

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At this point if you skateboard and at least willing to TRY to read the Bible I can deal with it because this is ridiculous. I cannot believe the men in church are this nasty and disgusting. So here I am like God what do I do? Because I honestly cannot find any man that I want in the church. That is the hard part because the one I did wrong was fine… I’m not lying.. I think that’s why I feel some type of way. I like tall men. So he is 6 ‘2 with curly hair and fine… I feel some type of way just thinking about it.. But what makes me feel even some more type of way.. Is that he wasn’t weird? Lord, I just want a man that is not weird! I don’t know why men in the church are so weird. They all gay wearing nail polish like girls I can’t deal like what I am supposed to do? Lol like they’re soft and weird. I like a very masculine man. These weirdos in the church wearing pink crocs and painting their nails doing photo shoots with their feet out sitting cross legged! I can’t deal with this! Bruh and why are women ok with this ??!! bruh don’t you want your man to box or fight or be wild?! Why do y’all like soft gay men?! Bruh I’m tired of this. I think that’s why I miss my baby daddy. What am I supposed to do? At Least I didn’t have to worry about him wearing blue nail polish . I can’t . My ex-husband let his mom pick his clothes out… I’m done. I want a divorce .I can’t deal with this. I’m living a nightmare. Please God help me escape. I’m tiyurd. At Least my baby daddy didn’t let his mom pick his clothes out . I need God to move in my life right now. I can’t deal.  

God Come Rapture Me I’m Tiyurd ,

Daily Devotion: That Is Not A Prophetic Word

October 3, 2022  

God Is Not Releasing People To Give A Prophetic Word Every Month 

In 1 Samuel 28, The Bible tells us how Saul The Rejected King consulted a witch because the Lord had left him. Saul was so jealous of David. Saul knew that God was with David, so he went to a witch because God had left Saul to his own reprobate mind. Lately, God has been really speaking to me in private about this matter. Witches who are disguising themselves as prophet’s go on youtube and conjure up a false prophetic word every month and people fall for it.  

1- A real prophet will NEVER release everything that God tells them because it’s none of your business (1 Thessalonians 4:10). 2- If God sends a prophet to youtube it’s for correction… trust me I think I would know. 3- The Book of Acts warns us about Simon the sorcerer . He disguised himself by the use of dark magic that is still happening today (Acts 8:9-25).  

 Personally, I do not understand why people would pretend to be a prophet because it is a very serious and heavy call. That is why God warns us that many should not teach (James 3:1). Currently there are way too many false teachers right now. That is the danger of youtube and social media. People can really really really pretend to be someone that they are not because of their views.. Moral of the story don’t believe every spirit, test it if it be of God (1 John 4:1-5). I’m here to gladly say that the false youtube prophetess who has a new monthly word for you is a witch ignore her and keep moving on.  

May God Be With Me As I Preach The Gospel,  

Apostle Sandre’a  

Break The Curse Of Maternal Hatred & Abuse

As I was reading the word of God today a line appeared and it said “identifies the speaker as Nehemiah, son of Hachaliah” . Lately , God has been speaking to me a lot about motherhood and parenting in my personal time with God . There are not many good examples of motherhood especially in the church. There are not good examples of loving our children and preparing our children to carry the torch. Although , Nehemiah authored a book of the Holy Bible , his father Hachaliah planted the seed so that Nehemiah could go forth . 

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Bigger Opportunities 

Maybe Nehemiah father didn’t have the same opportunities as Nehemiah did. Maybe Nehemiah father HAD to work on the farm all day to provide for his family … Maybe Nehemiah family was born into poverty and he HAD to work long hours to get his family out of poverty ? Maybe all this is true . 

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Personal Experience 

When I was in High-school although I was accepted into a AP Program for gifted children , I wasn’t allowed to do homework when I got home because my abusive family made me and wanted me to fail out of the program because according to their words they wanted me to be a bum like my father

 – but I would NEVER do that to my own child … My daughter Ruth is so smart and so advanced that she shocks many at her level of intelligence… now only if she could not climb out her crib and climb out when she thinks I’m not looking that would be nice 😂

I didn’t have another option beside the military actually truth be told I never wanted to go into the Marines , I wanted to go into the Army buuuuttt again they wouldn’t sign the papers for any other branch because there was a weird obsession of making it look like I wanted to be like someone’s creepy spouse 

  • with Ruth … she is NOT ALLOWED to enter into the military .. she better figure it out , now when I have a son maybe … because God has told me something about my future son . But my daughter ? NO ! 

I went through a lot of abuse as a child , things that I’m to ashamed to even speak of , but because she was a police officer she abused me and did some of the most evil and terrible things to me and then called the police on me and 9 times out of 10 they believed her because she was a police officer , but there was 1 police officer who said that God had a plan for me 

  • That will NEVER be Ruth’s story , I would never call the police on my daughter and I would never let my husband abuse her . I would never purposely make her fail school to become a statistic. Because I love her . 

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Truth is while reading this one simple line I understood Nehemiah’s father … I didn’t have opportunities… I didn’t have chances my life was hard . While people enjoyed Highschool I had to work at jobs to get out of the house as soon as I turned 18 . But that will never be my daughter’s story . Nehemiah father probably didn’t have the same chance as his son , but it’s the fact that his suffering provided a way for his son to honor him and carry on his legacy . 

I get tired of hearing the same story of “well the only reason she did that is because that happened to her” that’s a bunch of crap . I didn’t abuse my daughter and I never had the desire to do it . Just because you were abused doesn’t give you the right to abuse someone else . Love your child and break the curse ! 

Isaiah 54:17

King James Version

17 No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord.

What was difficult is that even though people knew I was raped , abused , molested somehow some way it was always my fault . In the church they said I was raped or harassed because I had a spirit in me . Now you could imagine my journey to Christ was not easy . I left the church because I didn’t want anything to do with Christian’s because of what I saw . But when I was in the wilderness , I was broken down so low that I had to call out to God . I had to find God for myself , I didn’t come to God at church or through prophecy , but through The Holy Bible . 

There are some days I struggle as a mother . My daughter is beautiful so she gets a lot of attention … smh we were actually in the store the other day and a 4-5 year old boy literally broke his neck staring at her I got angry but honestly … it scared me a little . It scared me because I know what I have been through .. and that’s a whole other battle . Sometimes it does scare me when I see the attention she gets … people always tell me that they are obsessed with my daughter … but daily I trust him (God) for help in raising a beautiful daughter … because I just don’t want her to experience the pain I went through because of beauty . 

If I didn’t do anything else on this earth , I want my legacy to be remembered as a woman who taught mother’s to love God and not abuse their children . Especially, for multi-cultural women (Titus). We have to break that curse of hating our daughters and children , we have to break that ! Multi-cultural women we have to do better and love our daughters and sons.. even if no one loved you . 

Love Sandre’a , 

You Never Know When You’ll Need Your Friend So Be Kind To Them

Be Kind To Your Friends Because You Don’t Know When You’re Going To Need Them

Not so fun fact about me , I was in the Marines . Truth be told I never told people what really happened to me while I was in the Marines I just let people assume and moved on. But lately God has been really dealing with me about telling my story and what I endured while in the Marines and the racism that I suffered through . 

  1. There was a time that I worked as a recruiters assistant and I went through something very serious , one day I was in the back of the office and a Master Sergeant cornered me into a corner to press upon me and he began to ask me some very inappropriate questions … and afterwards he asked me “do I scare you ? Do I intimidate you ?” You already know  I said no … you already know what it is … but that would be the beginning of the many woes I endured with things in secret in the Marines . 
  2. When I was in the school house at Camp Johnson I had a instructor who was married … but he said he was like my father (take this as a warning to young ladies who have daddy issues ) and I really believed that he was like a father to me … he even helped put me in the fiscal department at Camp Lejeune (that was big stuff back in the day ) … but one day .. he wanted more than a father daughter relationship.. I rejected the offer . I was actually kind of hurt because he made it seem as though I was his daughter . Very interesting enough when I rejected his offer for sexual entanglement all of a sudden I wasn’t wanted into the fiscal office anymore at the disbursing office … all of a sudden all of these rumors spread about me in the Marines about who people claimed I was and what they thought I did . I told other Marines who were higher up’s but you know how the Marines do .. of course they cover up and of course no one could find any wrong doing . Like always 🤔 but the harassment had gotten so bad that I had to leave the base and get a change of duty station . 
  3. So , while serving I had gotten injured and had to get surgery (but honestly I think God was chastening me because during this time I had totally left church and would have nothing to do with it … so I truly believe God let this happen because he had to get my attention ) but crazy enough , I had some NCO’s who passed the word around to watch me at the barracks because they wanted to NJP me without cause lol stupid witch , anyways I had to get surgery and I was within weight regulations after I had surgery a NCO for headquarters company waited four days until I couldn’t move and could barely move to weigh me it was so bad I had to have other people, help me I couldn’t walk and I was FIVE pounds over from water weight after surgery and they put me on weight management 🙃 but no weapon formed baby shall prosper , not only that right after my surgery I was in anesthesia (I guess this military officer knew her) I had a Marine Corps officer call me & cuss me out and say that he didn’t care that I was on anesthesia and he didn’t care that I had just gotten out of surgery that I should have answered his call while in surgery (lol I been thinking a lot about him lately and I want to fight because I’m out now baby and keep that same energy 😂)
  4. When I was stationed at Camp Pendleton I was working and I had a NCO who would LITERALLY call me racial slurs allllllllllllll day , I remember when I turned my head for a second and he took my CAC card so I would get NJP’d right before chow , so he took it and I remember I prayed and asked God to help me and God said “go to the gym “ well lo and behold the gym attendant told me that that NCO came and dropped my CAC Card off at the gym and just left it there (he didn’t know that he they saw it happen AND I HAD THE HOLY GHOST !! .. God told me where it was at !!! Loser . 
  5. You couldn’t imagine how many NCO’s lied on me and how many women said I was trouble because of my body 😂😂 bunch of opp’s or how the doctor tried to give me a order to get my chest totally removed (flat like a man) and said that that was the only way I would become a corporal … so they secretly presented me a option to get my breast totally removed in surgery to stay in and when I didn’t they tried to give me a administrative separation but God stepped in and I received honorable . 

But what God reminded is in the midst of this not all people are bad and God was with me … I remember I had a friend … I’ll call him Myles… I don’t want you to know Myles first name or look him up because Myles H. needs Jesus 🙄 but I remember when I was outside and one of those very racist NCO’s was about to blast me for no reason .. and in that moment I felt like God used Myles to stop a attack against me that wasn’t warranted . Because when they saw him they ran away . The last time Myles and I talked was last year but lately I have been thinking a lot about him and I know that God does put people in your life for a reason . Myles and I have both moved on , we both have children … crazy now he’s divorced and now I am married we met when were 19 years old and now we’ll be 30 in a few years .. time really does fly . We both have seen some trouble in these past few years . But I say this because so many people told me Myles wasn’t anything , that he would never be successful, and they said alot but God USED him that day to protect me . A milli later for Jesus , I thank God for that friendship because that was probably the day that Satan wanted to NJP me . I don’t even know why Myles was there that day because he was stationed in Yuma 🤷‍♀️ . I’m not complaining though . I’m not playing the victim … I listed those examples to remind you that you  just don’t know when you’re going to need a friend . I’ll always have love for Myles as a true friend . Love your friends and be kind to them . Amen ? Because you don’t know when you’re going to need them. 
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Sandre’a 💕🌸❤️💓🌸💕

Your Baby Has Purpose

To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: – Ecclesiastes 2:1 Berean Standard Bible 

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I remember when I was pregnant and the nurse looked at me and said I was colored and that the medical team didn’t care about me or my baby .. I remember when white doctors told me over and over again to abort my daughter because something was wrong with her (that was a lie) . I remember when after a root canal (after they said it was ok ) I felt my baby kicking and fighting in my womb . I remember when I called and they said that nothing was wrong but I heard God say , “Go to the hospital “… I remember when I almost pushed her out while driving to the hospital and was in so much pain . I remember when I got there and they said all my fluid was gone and my water seemed liked it broke one week ago and she had ZERO fluid to sustain her . I remember when I prayed and said “God … I’ll do it .. please just save her “ . I remember when I delivered her at 10:15 a.m. and instantly I decreed , prayed , prophesied , and dedicated her back to the Lord . Godly mother , you have to understand that the enemy will not attack what he is not afraid of . God had to speak that into my spirit , that warfare and attack is because God has a plan and purpose for little Phoebe – Jewel (Jeremiah 29:11) . As Jochebed hid baby Moses in the basket , so I am to my beautiful Jewel . I am saying this not as though my child is better than yours but to encourage and remind you that as a MOTHER , you have a spiritual battle to engage in and it’s for the holiness , preparation , and mandate on your child’s life . Keep pressing on and trust God ! Because everything is going to be ok . 

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Love Sandre’a 💕