I Didn’t Get To Heal

 I Didn’t Get To Heal 

*** 

When I found I was pregnant I was very very shocked … because I was in a bad place . I didn’t expect to get pregnant because I never wanted to be married so , you know in Christian culture you have to be a wife and have kids and whatever … but I never wanted that . So when I found I was pregnant I was happy … but I really realized how totally broken I was. 

** 

It was hard watching everyone have a baby shower and be happy … I didn’t have any friends so I didn’t get that . I didn’t have family that loved me so I didn’t get to have a registry . I didn’t get to call and have someone check on me or really care about how I was doing . I celebrated her 1 month by myself with a ballon and a cake singing happy birthday to her . But tonight … I realized that maybe my ministry is for the woman who didn’t get to heal. Maybe my ministry is for the woman whose husband beat her after having the baby and is broken . Maybe my ministry is for the mother who had to work right after having a baby (like me ) because she had responsibilities and didn’t get to rest . Maybe my ministry is for the woman who was beaten 3 months after having a baby and felt empty and foolish . Maybe that’s who God has called me to . I was going through my phone and found this picture of me and my daughter . My eyeliner is gone on one eye because I was tired after working a night shift . She looks so much like me . As I watch her sleep I honestly beg God that she doesn’t have my story . That’s the hard part of being a mother . We clean houses , sweep floors , endure domestic violence while secretly wiping tears from our faces . We smile at church when our husband just hit us in the car . We suffer and give birth when men leave us at the hospital by ourselves . And yet … when our baby says “mommy I love you “ all that pain goes away because our children don’t know what we just went through to pay our bills . 

** 

I’ve accepted I’m not called to the pinky promise clan , that eat vegan and never have to worry about anything because there husbands just love them so much … nope … I’m called to that woman who was been beaten and choked while pregnant , I’m called to that woman who hated herself and cried herself to sleep every night while pregnant because her husband keeps staring at other women in public … I’m called to that woman who didn’t get a chance to heal after she had a baby because she had to pay bills … I pray for you because I pray for myself. God will provide and take care of you .

Sandre’a

Your Baby Has Purpose

To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: – Ecclesiastes 2:1 Berean Standard Bible 

** 

I remember when I was pregnant and the nurse looked at me and said I was colored and that the medical team didn’t care about me or my baby .. I remember when white doctors told me over and over again to abort my daughter because something was wrong with her (that was a lie) . I remember when after a root canal (after they said it was ok ) I felt my baby kicking and fighting in my womb . I remember when I called and they said that nothing was wrong but I heard God say , “Go to the hospital “… I remember when I almost pushed her out while driving to the hospital and was in so much pain . I remember when I got there and they said all my fluid was gone and my water seemed liked it broke one week ago and she had ZERO fluid to sustain her . I remember when I prayed and said “God … I’ll do it .. please just save her “ . I remember when I delivered her at 10:15 a.m. and instantly I decreed , prayed , prophesied , and dedicated her back to the Lord . Godly mother , you have to understand that the enemy will not attack what he is not afraid of . God had to speak that into my spirit , that warfare and attack is because God has a plan and purpose for little Phoebe – Jewel (Jeremiah 29:11) . As Jochebed hid baby Moses in the basket , so I am to my beautiful Jewel . I am saying this not as though my child is better than yours but to encourage and remind you that as a MOTHER , you have a spiritual battle to engage in and it’s for the holiness , preparation , and mandate on your child’s life . Keep pressing on and trust God ! Because everything is going to be ok . 

**

Love Sandre’a 💕

Can You Nooootttt Do That While She’s Pregnant ?

Can You Be Faithful While She’s Pregnant ? 

Proverbs 31:30-31

New International Version

30 

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

31 

Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise(A) at the city gate.

**

Truth be told there is a lot of pictures from a lot of different women on Instagram & social media . It seems like almost every woman knows how to thirst trap today . Honestly , you can’t go on Instagram without some woman posting something nasty & naked online causing & leading a man to stray . But there is one issue that has been really vexing my spirit and it’s the pain that a woman goes through while she’s pregnant . 

Genesis 3:16 – To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

I don’t think men really understand how painful

pregnancy is … 

  1. Most times you feel fat & ugly because you don’t have the body you used to have that would cause your man to be attracted to you 
  2. Stretch marks are the devil 🙄 and they come at the most random of times 
  3. Our backs hurt , our hips hurt , and our hands are swollen it would be nice if you didn’t look at her unswollen body while she’s carrying your baby … thanks 😐
  4. Can you not try to hit her while she’s pregnant… that would be nice you jerk . 
  5. Yeah … staring at a naked woman on Instagram while she’s pregnant does hurt her feelings a lot … 
  6. Can you nooooottttt try to meet up with a woman you met online while she’s pregnant ? Thanks … insensitive bald headed crack head . 
  7. She only wants your money can you not give it to her while she’s pregnant ? Thanks … not really but thanks 🤨 
  8. Can you not have other women in your phone ? Can you not overly complement another pregnant woman while she’s pregnant? Can you not be inappropriate with another woman while she’s pregnant ?
  9. Can you not flirt with another woman while she’s pregnant … infront of her ? 
  10. Finally can you not let other women and men disrespect her while she’s pregnant ? 

Moral Of The Story …. 

Ain’t nobody gunna keep putting up with it … and she’s going to leave and that very woman you used to hurt her will backfire on you . Love is loving her beyond her body but even while she’s pregnant … be faithful . 

Love , 

Sandre’a 💕