When Everyday Feels Like A Living Nightmare 

When Everyday Feels Like A Living Nightmare 

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33 

Truth Be Told 

Lately, I have been doing alot of thinking and I have been wondering why people are jealous of me. I have been wondering because for some reason I encounter this spirit of jealous but especially from women. I get the stares at my body, I get the eye rolls, and I get the questions that they ask. Yet, in my mind I have my own opinion and I think what they do is silly. 

I never really wanted to be in ministry and to be honest I still don’t. I do not understand why God chose me and to be honest I do not want God to use me, but that does not stop God from trying to use me. So I am in this constant battle of God making me do what he wants me to and the consequences that happen when I don’t. But God already told me I will never do what he told me to and trust me I am okay with that. 

I Did Not Get The Life I Wanted 

I never really wanted to be where I am now. I had other plans and to be honest I still want those plans. It’s hard because I could make the decision to go back to those plans any time that I want but there is a reason I don’t. I’m getting older and I am embracing that one day I will be 30 and I am not happy about that. I am not happy with where I am and I am not looking forward to 30 and I did not think I would be 30 in ministry. But I realize that I am not the only one that thinks like how I do. So I write to the people that really are not feeling the church thing and that are really tired of dealing with spiritual warfare. I write to the people that watch everyone else drink liquor and party and secretly wish that was you but you know God is watching. I am writing to the people that would really rather be out clubbing and partying, than engaging in spiritual warfare…. Trust me I get it. 

There are a whole lot of things I would rather be doing than praying. I would rather go out, I would rather club, I would rather party, and I would rather be wild like how I used to… but I know that God would probably punish me later. Moral of the story, what you want to do in sin is not worth the punishment and consequence so just don’t do it. I

know you don’t understand why everyone enjoys this christian walk and you don’t but just don’t engage in sin.. It’s not worth it and one day it will all make sense. 

Diamond